


Surrender.

by EnochianLullabies



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Slow Burn, Sweet sweet, but not that slow at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:15:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24529726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnochianLullabies/pseuds/EnochianLullabies
Summary: It took Thomas having to save a life for Jimmy to realize he did like his friend a tiny bit too much. After it happened he tried to find the form to tell Thomas, and in the process, to accept it himself.(This is naughty fluff)
Relationships: Thomas Barrow/Jimmy Kent
Kudos: 39





	Surrender.

It all started quite… abruptly, well, at least that’s what Jimmy tries to think, because thinking otherwise was even more confusing, even more of a betrayal to himself. But the thing was, even it maybe (just maybe) it had been building slowly over time with every laugh, with every moment he let his eyes linger a little more than he should, even if all that was probably there, what detonated that hot feeling in his tummy, what made Jimmy think ‘bloody shit, this is it, I’m going to hell’, was quite a scene.

Jimmy remembers he was playing a jazzy song, Thomas was smoking at the table, Mrs. Patmon was going around preparing dinner and Daisy, the poor girl, was following her and commanding Ivy with sharps shouts here and there; it made Jimmy laugh, it was pathetic, she acted like a Mrs. Patmon in miniature.

But he felt bad for thinking so when Daisy felt to the ground face first, the tray falling under her, everyone got up, Mr Carson, who was just entering the room, seemed like he was going to have another heart attack.

Thomas wasn’t the first to get to her, but when he did he was full doctor mode already; he was discharging himself of his livery, ordering Ivy to call the doctor, Mr. Carson was gone after a moment too, Jimmy and Mrs. Patmon were the only witnesses to Thomas manhandling daisy, putting his hand in her little pale neck, and then, just like that, he was putting his mouth on hers. Jimmy looked to the other side for a moment, but his curiosity got the best of him and so a few seconds letter he was watching them again.

He felt short of breath himself when he saw Thomas pumping the girl’s chest, with such power, his hands intertwined, his arms (stronger than he had ever thought) visible because at some point he had rolled his sleeves up, and his face full of concentration, he was biting his own lip and God, did Jimmy want to do it himself.

That, that was the thought that did it to him, the moment he realized he was dammed. But Daisy was lying on the floor unconscious, so he shoved it away for later.

A mere couple of minutes later Dr. Clarkson was kneeling right next to Thomas, they exchange some words, and just like that the scene was over.

And Daisy, thanks to God, still alive.

“Our hero” said Jimmy handing Thomas a smoke some time later, they both were outside, Thomas was still unfixed, resting against a wall, his livery forgotten, one of his sleeves still up, remarking the difference between his skin and the glove he wore, his hair was almost perfectly keep back still, except for a rebellious lock that was falling down over one of his eyes, he was doubled over himself, and when he looked at Jimmy, a smirk in his face, Jimmy almost let the cigarette fall. God, when had Thomas gotten so bloody… appealing? He was ready to fall to his knees and plead for him to even look at him, and Jimmy was a prideful man, he knew he was handsome, he knew he didn’t have to beg for anything, but he would, he would at that moment.

“Jimmy? Are you offering that cigarette or not?”

“Yes, sorry.” He handed it to Thomas and lighted it up, his hand so close to those lips, his bottom one was still swallowed from him biting on it. “I forgot you had medical training.”

“That I do.” Thomas was smoking slowly, what wasn’t like him at all, but made it even more entertaining to watch, by that Jimmy meant that the warm feeling he was feeling in his stomach since he had seen Thomas kneeling next to Daisy was only growing stronger and stronger. “Doctor Clarkson spoke to me after Daisy was back in her feet.”

“Did he? What did he want?”

“He asked if I would lend a hand at the hospital.”

“What? Is he short of personal? You aren’t planning on leaving are you?” Jimmy said without letting Thomas ad anything else, Thomas looked funny at him. ‘Oh, bloody perfect Jimmy, spread your legs for him already, could you be any more obvious?’ Jimmy thought as he stopped speaking and let Thomas talk.

“I’m not leaving; you’ll have to peel me out of here personally if that’s what you want.” Thomas said taking a drag, but he smiled before letting the smoke out. “Wouldn’t you like that.”

“You know I wouldn’t!” Jimmy was ready to take a cigarette himself and then, possibly two or three more; in other situation he would have thought of starting a fight only to get out all the steam and dubious feelings inside him, but for, maybe the first time ever, he didn’t want to. “Pass me a cigarette!”

“You were the one that gave this to me” said Thomas raising an eyebrow in that way that always made Jimmy smile even if he ought to be wanting to slap him instead.

“Then gave me that one!”

Thomas looked at him for a full ten seconds before taking the cigarette from his mouth, turning it, and slowly bringing it to Jimmy’s lips, Thomas wasn’t the daring type when it came to Jimmy, not anymore, they been friends for a time now, but he preferred to be careful, he didn’t fancy losing both his only friend and his job in a single movement, so he let Jimmy be the one that started the physical contact (it there was any), and was quite careful not to make any remarks that the other could misunderstand. But he had just saved a life, been asked to lend a hand at the hospital from time to time getting a little more formation and paid in return ‘I could talk Mr. Crawley into it’, he had said to the doctor ‘You’ll be very welcome’ Dc. Clarkson had answered. So, yes, Thomas was walking on clouds, and he was ready to fall for them just if he could touch those full lips for a moment.

The thing was, Jimmy knew he ought to stop Thomas, he knew what he was doing, he knew Thomas wasn’t moving as slowly as it feel, but Jimmy was running all short of scenes in his imagination as Thomas seemed to move a millimetre per hour. He was only putting a cigarette to his mouth, no one could say a word about that, right?

Oh but they could, they would. Jimmy was handsome, but he hadn’t been always called that, he had been called ‘pretty’ quite more often, he thought it was a good thing back when he was only a child, he thought so till his father told him otherwise, till his father told him to beat up everyone who called him that. That’s how he got into his first fight.

And now there he was, hopping Thomas still thought him handsome, pretty, if he preferred that, counting his heartbeats as Thomas approached him. He was going mad, he hoped Thomas hand lingered on his lips, if only so he could felt any part of Thomas skin on him for once.

Mrs. Hughes cleared her throat “Here you are, Mr. Carson has already been too close to a heart attack for a day, don’t you think? Get in there and start helping, boys.”

Jimmy straightened, Thomas let the cigarette fall to the floor as if that was what he had intended at along. Well, that goes to Jimmy’s little adventure out of common sense.

“Want to play later, Jimmy?” Thomas asked in a whisper, Mrs. Hughes, a couple steeps before them, sighted.

“I… No. I’m not feeling so well, Mr. Barrow.”

“Of course.” Thomas turned, determined not to show his face of disappointment. What was he expecting? Jimmy suddenly confessing his love to him? He couldn’t even hold his gaze for more than a few seconds, God’s shake. Surely the whole ‘Daisy almost dying’ had gotten to him, and that was all there was to it.

So they didn’t talk about it, and Jimmy laid awake that night, turning and turning in his bed because if he stilled for even a second his head filled with images of Thomas, not only of his strong arms pumping Daisy’s chest so hard he had broken one of her ribs but ones that had absolutely not happened; he would know if he had ever seen Thomas completely naked, he would know if he had been touched by him like it was happing in his little hot and bothered head.

Two nights later he stopped tossing around. Mr. Carson had told him if he showed up with bags under his eyes again he was going to cuff him to the bed without dinner and sing him to sleep himself; nothing was more terrific than the prospect of that. So that night Jimmy refused to play cards with Thomas and Alfred, and went straight up to his bedroom, washed his face, put on his night clothes and let everything ready for next morning. And then he let himself into the bed.

And the dreadful, awesome detailed, pictures started to cloud his mind. He tried to thought about any other thing. The Duchess naked, Mr. Carson naked. Then he tried to not think of naked people, then tried to not think at all.

It didn’t work. And he, quite tired, quite curious, quite wanting to let it happen, just… let it happen. He let those images embrace him. Thomas wasn’t naked, he had his sleeves rolled up, what was quite as exciting as the images of him naked, because this Jimmy had saw; he imagined them in his own room, Thomas was smoking, his sleeves up, he was wearing braces and no vest, he was balancing in the chair, and Jimmy was watching him from the bed. No, he was on his knees, right between Thomas opened legs.

Thomas let out smoke, not playing attention to Jimmy (even in his own imagination Jimmy knew this was quite impossible, he didn’t remember a time Thomas wasn’t paying attention to him) “Jimmy, doll, don’t you want a smoke?”

Jimmy, the real one, was growing hard, he tried not to think about it, as he let his fantasy develop, his hand slowly making his way from the side of the bed to his side, slowly over his stomach and down, resting at the hem of his pants.

“Come get it” Thomas whispered in his imagination, and Jimmy did, he propped himself up, without getting out of his knees, Thomas smirked and put a leg up in Jimmy’s shoulder, Jimmy forced it up as he got close to Thomas face, his hand in Thomas other leg, Thomas let him caress his side as he looked down at him “Let me ask again, love” Thomas said, but he didn’t ask a bloody thing. Because Jimmy’s real hand was already pumping him and Jimmy really wanted to kiss Thomas, and it was his bloody fantasy, God’s sake! So he could speed things up as he pleased, so he kissed the bossy Thomas, right on the lips, pressing against him, feeling Thomas hard against him, felling his own cock throbbing in his hand.

He let Thomas put his other leg around his waist, bringing him forward; he didn’t question how Thomas wasn’t falling from his imaginary chair; he couldn’t think about those little details when he was now feeling Thomas’ hand in his own cock, pumping him, repeating “love” against his ear, kissing him, his hands marking him down his back, making him shiver, telling him “doll” again, sucking at his lips, his hands down again. They were on the bed now, Jimmy imagined them getting to bothered to play they little game and laughing and running to the bed in each other arms. He was so close. He was getting rid of the rest of Thomas clothes, and they were naked quite quickly, Thomas took both in hand and he imagined what it could feel like, having another hard cock against his, he moaned. Wasn’t sure if he had done so in fantasy or the real world. They were melting together quite delightful for Jimmy.

He felt Thomas grip his ass, bring him down on top of him so they were rubbing together, and he bit at Thomas shoulder stopping himself from crying his name out laud as he came. He was biting his own fist at the other side of the fantasy, thank God; he coated his hand, his chest feeling heavy, he felt as if he had run a hundred kilometres. He felt good. He felt relaxed.

He felt sticky.

He got up to was himself and after that he slept quite peacefully.

Thomas had a couple of remarks for him next day when he saw the biting mark in his hand “Yesterday’s girl turned out to be a _bitch_ , Jimmy? She left you quite the bite.”

“Very funny, Thomas, you know I’ven’t seen a girl in ages.”

“There are quite a lot of girls on the service, not to talk about...” He signalled up with his index finger.

“You know I have no interest in them. Don’t bring up Ivy.”

“I’m not doing such a thing” Thomas laughed, “but you should do something about… that. I could quite even hear you from my own bedroom.”

“What?”

“You only bit yourself at the end, or so it seems, Jimmy. I suppose, or no one else heard or Mr. Carson is so mortifying he’s hoping I’ll bring it up in a humiliation form so he doesn’t have to call you in private and do so.”

“You seem to be doing quite well” Jimmy murmured, his head down. Why couldn’t God spare him?

“I love humiliating people.”

“Even if they are your dearest friend.”

“Especially if they’re my dearest friend, Jimmy.” Thomas said, he looked at him as if he was trying to solve a riddle “Want a smoke?”

“I…” ‘Just say I do, James Kent’. “Yes, I want a smoke, Thomas”.

Thomas smiled and handed him de pack of cigarettes. Jimmy took it, but he couldn’t believe… He was sure Thomas had to know what _it_ meant, the whole smoke thing, didn’t he? Wasn’t it obvious?

Jimmy took a smoke and lighted it himself before giving Thomas the pack back, he didn’t even say thanks. Then Thomas took the smoke from his lips, Jimmy could felt it, his fingers against his mouth, drawing in his lips, taking the smoke from him and letting his mouth opened, he unconsciously liked his lip as Thomas brought the smoke to his lips.

“Last one wasn’t enough” he said, tossing back the pack to Jimmy, Jimmy didn’t catch it and it felt to the ground, Thomas was looking at him like he had done the last time they have… well, been doing whatever was they were doing. “I’m going to the hospital this afternoon.”

“But it’s our half-day!” Jimmy was brought back to life, he had thought of going to the movie theatre with Thomas, there was a film he really wanted to see, and he loved seeing Thomas face lighting up in more than one sense when the film started.

“I’ll have another half-day soon enough, to money is good, as is the labour and the formation. You can still ask, I don’t know, some girl to go to the movies with you, you may even roll in the hay”

“I don’t want to-”

“Mr. Barrow, Daisy is calling for you.” Mrs. Hudson said, Jimmy was starting to despite her a little bit.

“Yes. Thanks” he said and she turned back inside. “Poor girl, can’t be out of bed thanks to me.”

“You saved her.”

Thomas smiled at that, and Jimmy felt warm all over.

“That I did, I suppose.”

“You don’t have to suppose, you bloody did!” They felt silent for a moment, then when Thomas put his smoke out and was ready to go Jimmy spoke again “Do you want to become a doctor?”

“Don’t be dumb, Jimmy, I’d have to study for that.”

“You could.”

“Why would I want to? To get out of the only job I’m good at?”

“You saved her. Surely saved more people on the War.”

“You see me with good eyes Jimmy, probably first person that had ever believed in me.”

“Well, you’re the first to ever love me.”

Thomas straightened, his smile gone. “Right” he said, “so I’d be gone for the afternoon.”

Just like that Thomas disappeared inside. How was Jimmy supposed to even grip his head about what he might or might not be feeling if Thomas couldn’t even hear talk about what he was feeling on his own behalf. Who else could he talk to?

He asked himself the same question for almost the rest of the afternoon, but then he realized, he didn’t have anyone to talk to, nor a thing to tell to anyone that wasn’t Thomas, and where was he? At the hospital, so he got dressed up.

It was chilly outside, so he put on a jersey that Thomas had flatter before, and with his cap on he left Downton, Mrs. Hudson shaking her head at him but not saying a thing.

He had a plan for when he arrived, something like telling the doctor he had hurt his ankle when he was going up and down at Downton, something that could buy him time to see Thomas; he didn’t have to. As soon as he was inside he saw Thomas running from one of the patients to another, his hair slicked back but much less than usually, the white gown flaying trying to follow him. Wow, could Thomas look bad at all? He had thought he was handsome with his livery, equally handsome without it, and he was stunning in a medical gown; and God, was he precious in his imagination with nothing on.

“Thomas!” he yelled when he saw him going back again. Thomas turned to him, smiled and continued walking.

After a couple of minutes, he was back there, he told Dr. Clarkson he was going for a smoke and the doctor nodded at him and let him go.

“What’re you doing here Jimmy?” Thomas said, he was going to take his gown out, Jimmy stopped him.

“Is chilly outside, you may want to let it on.”

“I see” Thomas said, looking at the hand Jimmy had put on his shoulder to stop him from taking the gown off. “Let’s go before doc changes his mind.”

“First day here and you already call him doc?”

“You know jimmy, Doctor Clarkson is a pretty good man, I’ve have to give him that. He knows about… about _me_ , doesn’t think it is a kind of condition.”

“Doesn’t him?” Jimmy said, not wanting to sound surprised and failing miserably.

“I know is difficult to believe I’m not mad, Jimmy, more to you, thinking otherwise could hurt your masculinity after all.”

“Hey! Not need to be mean, Thomas! I’m just… everyone thinks _something_ about it, a sin, a medical condition, a criminal act… I’m just surprised Doctor Clarkson doesn’t think so.”

“’You aren’t dying, and it seems there’s nothing wrong with your internal organs, so it’s not a medical condition as long as I’m concerned’, that’s what he said.” Thomas put his back against the brick wall in the back part of the hospital, a garden opening before them, they weren’t along by a long shot, but no one was close enough to hear.

“Something mental then” Jimmy said. And he could feel Thomas breaking him in half like he had just done to his smoke.

“I’m sorry James, I’m sorry I didn’t bloody ask the only person that doesn’t find me repulsive and ill if he had thought it through enough! Fuck you!”

Jimmy had seen Thomas loosen his temper so little times, maybe never, he sure did lose it, but never as scandalous, and almost never when he wasn’t alone.

“Thomas I-”

“Get out, Jimmy. I have work to do. And you have pretty girls to fuck will you found an institution you can put me in.” Jimmy looked at him, trying to search for a form to express what he was feeling, not the whole ‘I think I’m in love with you, you idiot’ feel, but the part where he wasn’t trying to judge Thomas, but was surprised there was people who truly accepted people like him, like possible them, out there, so close to them. “After all I look good in white” Thomas said laughing at himself as he lighted up another smoke.

“You do” Jimmy said.

Thomas looked at him, his eyebrow up again, as he had done every time Jimmy had say or done anything that tried to express a part of what he felt.

“Get the fuck out.” Thomas said. Dropped the freshly lighted smoke and crunched it without stopping looking at Jimmy eyes, then he turned and got inside.

Jimmy stood there for a couple minutes, he was left so pale a nurse asked if he was feeling okay. A part of him told him that he should ask her out to dinner, to the film Thomas didn’t want to go with him, but he had already been pass all that with Ivy, and he didn’t want to… what if this one liked him? What if he didn’t fuck it up this time and he ended married to the nurse?

His life would be miserable. He would have to move out of Downton, far from Thomas. They may still write to each other, but…

But Jimmy didn’t want to write to Thomas, not at all.

He wanted to talk to him.

To touch him.

To feel him.

To play him a song about all that he meant to him, because he had never been one for words but he knew the note that could end a half ended tune. He wanted to go to the movies with him, to take him out to dinner, to… sleep with him, alongside him.

So he wasn’t sure why he wasn’t telling Thomas all that and instead he was walking back to the house.

He wanted to get up to his bedroom as soon as he could. But he didn’t, Mrs. Hudson asked him to follow her.

She closed the door after her. Jimmy went over everything he had done on the last week, just to be really sure he wasn’t to be murdered in there.

“What’s going on, James?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Mrs. Hudson, sorry.”

“Sit down, kid.” Mrs. Hudson sat herself down, and waited a couple of seconds to see if Jimmy would start talking on his own, as Jimmy had no clue what Mrs. Hudson wanted of him he didn’t say a single word, he stayed as quiet as possible, sitting in front of her. “Good. So you don’t want my help.”

“No, wait!” Mrs. Hudson smiled at her. “I’m not sure what you’re referring to, but I…” Mrs. Hudson nodded pressing Jimmy to go on. “There’s this… This girl I like, but he-she, she’s very…”

“Very much like Mr. Barrow, isn’t she?” Mrs. Hudson said, playing it hard but easy enough that Jimmy could let it slip.

“Yes. And I kept getting it all wrong, and she’s angrier at me every time I try to… to express my feelings, whatever they are.”

“But do you know what those are, Jimmy?” she was looking at him hopefully, like she had been waiting for this.

Jimmy hadn’t been tricked by Mrs. Hudson, he knew what she had meant by comparing his imaginary girl with Thomas, and he had gone along, but confessing his feelings out loud knowing that Mrs. Hudson knew who he was really referring to was quite dangerous.

“I don’t-”

“Let me stop you there, Jimmy. Life is too short to lie to the people around you, too short to lie about who you love or how you love them to the people you know is going to support you, and infinitely shorter to be lying about it to yourself. So before you lie to me, James, let me tell you, he does too. He still does. I’m quite sure of it.”

“How could you?”

“Because I have eyes, Jimmy, eyes and ears, and I’ve known him for quite a long time, he wasn’t nice, he was always scheming, and angry, not that he isn’t now from time to time, and he still thinks he has to climb over others to get to the top; but, he’s changed. Love does that to people. Thanks to God.”

“I kept fucking it up Mrs. Hudson”

“That language boy! I’ll not permit you talking like that!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just, I kept saying the wrong word, making him angrier, I kept showing him my worst part.”

“And he still loves you like that? You must be doing something good. Or maybe he just loves you that much.”

“I bet is the last one, Mrs. Hudson, I’ve never done anything right with Thomas.” Saying it out loud, even if they weren’t _the words_ , made him jerk, and Mrs. Hudson swallowed, it had made it real for her too, she was mentally rating all the problems that were going to arise down (and probably up) thanks to those two.

“Then do something about it, James! Play him a tune, take him out to watch the films you seem to like so much, or be even more daring.”

“More daring?”

“Don’t look at my like that, Jimmy. Just tell him.”

“Oh, tell him.”

“What did you think I meant? Oh, no, don’t even! James go back to work!” She was as red as Jimmy had ever seen her.

“I’m on my half-day Mrs. Hudson” Jimmy said to her laughing quietly.

“Then go play the piano!” she excused herself like that, in a hurry to get away from what she had just imagined.

Well, that was an idea presented to him twice already, he should play something to Thomas, maybe ask him to sit down with him. Talk about the day, say… say he was sorry and that Thomas has understood it all wrong. How he didn’t have the words then, but he did now.

So he got up, went to his room, and looked through the little amount of music sheets he had, most of what he played he knew from memory, he didn’t have the money for buying music sheets.

He didn’t found the right one between his used sheets, he couldn’t feel himself telling, proclaiming, his love with any of that songs.

He left them spread on the floor and felt asleep on his bed. He thought for a moment, already starting to felt asleep, of asking Thomas, because he always had the best advice.

Thomas was gone next afternoon too, and no one seemed to mind, but he did, he bloody well did! Why was Thomas with Dr. Clarkson when he had to be working? He could lose his job! Even if Mr. Carson didn’t seem to mind, he was under-butler he was supposed to be at the house, what if Mr. Carson thought Bates was better at the job while he was away?

So he went to look for him when his work was done, on the excuse of running some errant that was going to be left undone, because someone had to tell Thomas that he could lost his post at Downton! And only because of that!

‘Oh’, he reminded himself stopping on his tracks midway to the hospital, ‘right, I don’t have to lie to myself anymore’.

So he re-argued in his head. He was going to look for him so he could bring him back, because he missed Thomas so very much, and he was quite terrified of him losing his job at Downton and they having to separate.

He smiled at that, it felt good, even if it hadn’t felt so for the longest of times, it felt good now, to tell himself the truth.

When he arrived to the hospital he felt it was far less busy than it had been the day before, and he heard Thomas talking, between whispers with the doctor. They were far away, half hidden by one of the curtains. It looked like they were telling each other secrets. Like there was something there that no one else could know.

Jimmy felt rage building up in him. He felt it as he walked over there. He felt it as he held his hand in a fist and spoke.

“Good afternoon.”

He said like they had always told him he should do, not showing his feelings.

“Jimmy, you’re here, how did you escape from Mr. Carson?” Thomas said smiling, like he hadn’t just had the doctor’s mouth up his ear.

“Lying.”

“Well, Mr. Barrow, I have to get going, and I think you should return to Downton. See you next week. Good luck.”

“Good afternoon, Dr. Clarkson.” Thomas said smiling, and waited for Jimmy to led the way.

“Dr. Clarkson” was all Jimmy said, as he turned and got out of the hospital.

“So, what are you doing here? Missed me that much?”

“I’m sorry” Jimmy said, he had had time to prepare what he wanted to say “I’m sorry about what I said yesterday, I didn’t mean it that way. I’m happy people start to see it other way. And Dr. Clarkson is a good man indeed.”

‘Even if I want to punch him in the throat’.

“Thank you Jimmy, it’s important to me.”

“I know. And I’ll try to think before I talk next time, so there won’t be place for misinterpretations.”

“Thinking? You? We’ll see that.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes and Thomas laughed, taking a smoke and handing the pack to Jimmy.

“Next half day I want to go to the city, I want to buy… things.”

“Things? Very specific, aren’t you? You aren’t going to buy one of those packs of postcards with semi naked women in them, are you?” Jimmy face went red, and before he could answer that he had never done that (he had done it indeed) and that he wasn’t even thinking about it (he wasn’t, that much was true), Thomas started laughing. “I prefer not to know then. I want to go to the city too, have something I want to buy myself. And maybe get a drink. Let’s line them up.”

“That sounds good” Jimmy said smiling, he was happy as a kid with a new pair of shoes, almost jumping up and down the whole walk back to Downton. Thomas seemed happy too and that made him even happier.

It wasn’t till he was in his bed that Jimmy though, that maybe the reason Thomas was happy was the old Dr. Clarkson.

That couldn’t be! Could it?

Jimmy got up, he paced around his room for a couple minutes, then opened his door and looked down the corridor, everyone seemed to be asleep. He went to Thomas door, he wasn’t really sure what he was going to ask, he had walked on a rather suspicious scene, maybe he could play it light-hearted like a joke, ‘Do you like the doctor? He’s an old beauty’ or something like that, Jimmy was an eighty per cent sure Thomas was going to get angry at him and made him leave, and then he would have to get to his knees and plead forgiveness. But he was also a hundred per cent sure he was going to go mad that same night if he didn’t ask Thomas about it.

He stopped right before Thomas door, he thought it over, debuting himself, no one has gone mad in a night, right? Maybe he should go back to his bedroom and let it be. Wait till he knew the song and do things right for once in his life! On the other hand… he really wanted to kiss Thomas once and for all, and he didn’t fancy some moustache man doing it!

He heard Thomas’ bed crack, so maybe Thomas was awake, maybe reading, Thomas liked to read. Maybe he should have gotten him a book ins-

Jimmy heard something that, definitely, wasn’t a creak.

Was Thomas… He put his ear to the door, his hand on the doorknob he twisted it slightly and the door opened a little, but Jimmy wasn’t able to see anything, and Thomas didn’t seem to hear a thing.

He concentrated really hard, he wasn’t sure if he was hearing Thomas’ little moans or if it was all in his head, hearing what he wanted to hear.

He thought Thomas would be in his bed, maybe using the sheet to cover himself so if anyone had to go and wake him up they wouldn’t see anything. But Jimmy preferred to imagine him without the sheet, exposed on top of his bed, naked, touching himself, his eyes closed, biting his lip like he had done when he was doing first aid to Daisy. Jimmy closed his eyes to imagine it better, as he couldn’t see anything interesting anyway.

Thomas would be slowly pumping himself, thinking about some man doing it for him, God, he hoped Thomas thought about him while he pleasured himself. Maybe Thomas was more daring, maybe he fantasied he was being sucked, he knew men did it to other men like that, he had heard so in the city once (getting red and moving faster away from that part of the city), maybe he imagined Jimmy on his knees for him, kissing up his tight, griping his ass and moving him closer to him so he could swallow him whole, choking on his cock, spite running down his chin.

Maybe Thomas imagined Jimmy ass, Jimmy separating his cheeks for Thomas, trembling a little because it was his first time, Thomas kissing him, his eyelids, his cheeks, murmuring it was all going to be alright, taking his hands from his ass cheeks and putting them in his shoulders, kissing him again as a slick finger started to rub at his asshole. Jimmy will close up and Thomas will smile kissing being his ear and telling him to relax as he tried to get inside him again.

Jimmy could imagine the feeling, but he had never… He should do it. Try it at some point before… Jimmy got redder than before at thinking at the possibility of Thomas and him fucking. Couldn’t he call it making love? He loved Thomas enough, and in sounded less dirty.

He had gotten hard, and his hand was lingering around his crotch, but he wasn’t about to masturbate in the corridor, as much as he wanted to. Really wanted to.

He heard a moan that he had surely not imagined, he groped himself and leaned against the door again.

The door gave and opened.

There he was. In Thomas bedroom, Thomas was indeed covered with a sheet, but not enough, not enough by a long shoot. So Jimmy could perfectly see he coming, his eyes opened in surprise at the sound of his door opening, his mouth in a perfect small ‘O’, his hand trying to cover himself up but covered in cum.

“Get the hell out of here, Jimmy!” Thomas shouted, moving as quickly as possible to cover himself.

Jimmy moved but not outside, he closed the door and sad next to Thomas, as Thomas kept telling him how he wasn’t supposed to see a thing, and how they could, please, do as if nothing had happened.

Jimmy kissed him.

His hand in his nape, keeping him still, that stopped his ramble. Thomas kissed him back without a second of hesitation, as if it was encrypted in his DNA, Jimmy slowly pushed Thomas to lay in the bed. Thomas hands were on his waist, running up and down, one of them got under his sleeping shirt as Jimmy mouth opened up for him.

He had never felt better. Having Thomas under him, kissing him like that, touching him, finally. Jimmy got between Thomas legs, pressing his hard on against Thomas who whined having just spent himself. Jimmy rubbed against him, the little whines and kisses on his neck an encouragement.

God, he was close, and he was with Thomas, and everything was…

Not perfect! Jimmy remembered his plan, he remembered the romantic melody, he remembered the words he was writing and rewriting in his mind to tell Thomas he wasn’t looking to experiment, or to had an insignificant liaison, how he wanted to live the rest of his life with him.

Thomas was looking at him with fear in his eyes as Jimmy went still.

Jimmy got up, kissing Thomas cheek “Don’t be angry at me, please, I just need some more time.” He said and left the bedroom.

Thomas closed his eyes, thinking about what had happen, Jimmy had had a secret date or something like that, got all hot and bothered, came to Thomas because he knew he wasn’t going to refuse him, and then realized he wasn’t some lavender boy after all, and left.

So he prepared himself for days and days of not talking to Jimmy, not letting a single tear drop as he tried and failed to sleep.

But next day Jimmy was as amicable as ever, even more so than other times, Thomas didn’t know what to think of it, maybe Jimmy was feeling remorseful, taking pity on Thomas. Thomas wanted to be angry at that, but couldn’t.

So when Jimmy went to the hospital every time he was there during the week so they could walk back together he let him do so. Talking to him about this medical procedure he had just learned, how being a medic or something similar was quite rewarding, he once couldn’t help himself and hugged Jimmy as soon as he saw him. Jimmy hugged him back and looked at doctor Clarkson who was looking at Thomas, Jimmy hugged him closer. “What happened?” he asked when they were out and Thomas hadn’t say a word to him.

“She’s gone. The girl I talked about yesterday.”

“Oh no, that’s horrible” ‘love’, he wanted to add, he didn’t, it wasn’t the time. “She was doing alright, what happened?”

“She was gone over night, an attack, she couldn’t… She was so ill, but I’ve hopped… Ah, that’s of no use” he said discreetly rubbing one of his eyes as if something had gotten on it. Jimmy took his hand in his and kissed it, Thomas looked at him as if he had found evidence of life in another planet, but didn’t say a thing about it. Jimmy hold his hand till they were back at Downton.

And he dared to kiss his cheek when Thomas was going to enter his own room “Are you-” ‘trying to woo me?’ he was going to ask, but he shook his head instead “It’s nothing. Good night, Jimmy. Thanks for today.”

“Thank you for letting me be with you, Thomas.”

There it was again, that look. Was it so difficult for Thomas to believe that Jimmy wanted him to be happy? That he wanted to be with him?

After a couple weeks it had become some kind of routine to go looking for Thomas so they could go back to Downton together when Thomas was at the hospital. Mr. Carson told him about stopping it once, but after a conversation with Mrs. Hudson he retracted himself and let him go if his work was over and they didn’t return late to dinner.

They never did.

Sometime later they could line up their half-days. Jimmy was almost running around the whole morning, Thomas laughed every time he saw him. And Bates and Anna had picked up on what was happening, at breakfast Bates said “I’m thinking about going with you to the city this afternoon, to get somethings for the house.” Anna kicked him under the table and Bates laughed “Maybe tomorrow then.” Anna seemed pleased by that and returned to her food.

Thomas wasn’t sure what those two were talking about. Jimmy looked at Mrs. Hudson, asking with his eyes if she had spilled the beans, she shook her head slowly.

So as soon as they were free both of them bolted to the city. They bought a couple of things Mr. Carson has asked of them, and also a little gift for Daisy who had just reincorporate to service, her rib back together.

“Thomas, I’m going to get a thing and I’ll be right back, we can have a drink then, maybe?”

“That sound good, Jimmy” At any other given moment Thomas would ask Jimmy why he had to go alone anywhere, it was suspicious, but he himself wanted to buy Jimmy a piece of music, and it was going to be difficult doing so if he was next to him.

Dr. Clarkson had had the idea, Thomas had at first vowed himself to no tell the doctor about his feelings and all that, but goddamn that doctor talked like a Freud’s apprentice, and at some point he told him everything. They had had a tough day, but Thomas refused to leave before his hour.

“Is because that friend of yours is coming to get you?”

“You know Jimmy Doctor Clarkson; why did you phrase it like that?”

“Oh, just to remark the fact that he is your friend now.”

“That he is.”

“A very good one.”

“I’m not playing this game with you, doctor.”

“You don’t have to, Mr. Barrow, there is not game to play.”

They felt silent again, Thomas wanted a smoke, Dr. Clarkson was looking at him, as if he had asked something he wasn’t answering to. And, God, was it effective.

“You already know how… How I am.”

“No shame on it.”

“Jimmy isn’t like that. You know all that went down at Downton because I _misunderstood_ how he showed affection to a friend for something else.” The doctor didn’t say a word “The thing is… I may be going crazy but I think, well, I have facts to believe, that he may like me. Even if… Even if he plans to never really say it. Even if we could never have a date or something like that. He comes every day so we can walk back together and… And for me that’s enough, I can’t ask for anything more.” The doctor nodded, Thomas kept talking, because it looked like the only way to get out of the doctor’s gaze “I want to give him something in return, so… Because… You know, doctor, I think that for the first time ever there is nothing behind me wanting to give something to someone, I just happen to love him as much as I have ever loved anyone.”

“That’s pretty… sweet Thomas, I may get a cavity. So what are you planning to give him?”

“I don’t know; I don’t want it to be misread as me trying to woo him.”

“But you are.” The doctor heard Jimmy talking to someone close enough towhere they were, so he got closer to Thomas “Give him something he likes, don’t think too much of it. Didn’t he play the piano?” the doctor said to his ear.

And then Jimmy was almost running to them, his hand on a fist.

“Good afternoon” he had say.

So he had thought about it for days, and then it clicked. Jimmy liked music but he didn’t have quite a lot of music sheets, it was a little expensive, it said ‘You’re important for me’, but not necessarily ‘I love you’, so it was perfect.

He was walking to the music shop when someone stopped him taking him by the arm.

“Thomas! My fella!” Said a well known voice “Still as English and uptight as the last time I saw you.”

“And you as American and loose as I remembered you, Mike.”

“Ah, don’t be like that, butt me.” Thomas lend him a smoke and passed him the lighter. “You always lighted them up for me, doll.”

“What are you doing in town, Mike?” Thomas said not humouring him and getting a steep back from him.

“Trying to sell that hayburner I have, get a new one, bring it house to my new little dame.”

“You fooled another one in?”

“What am I supposed to say? Flies love honey.”

“Women sure do like to be called flies.”

“What do you care what a woman likes or doesn’t like to hear, Thomas?”

“I don’t have time for this, Mike, I have to go, and whatever we were doing ended after your second wife, you know it.”

“But, Thomas, I’m on an even number again! Martha is the sixth one! Isn’t that a sing to get back together, you and I?” Thomas rolled his eyes, took his lighter from Mike’s hand “Oh, you have a new bimbo, don’t you? So that’s why you don’t have me in my knees sucking your dick right now.”

“Yes, Mike, that’s the only reason.”

“Well, when I’m at evens again, and you are at odds, just, write to me, I’m coming more and more to England, I’m even starting to like tea.”

“That I’ll do, Mike” Thomas said, getting back on route, glad he didn’t kiss men that didn’t know what they wanted anymore.

Oh. Oh, but he did. He thought as he entered the music shop, his head down.

Just then a blonde man that for the longest time hadn’t know what he wanted was leaving the street, turning the corner after purchasing a piece of music that he had read and re-read and had thought was perfect for expressing what he felt, even more when he had read the tittle of the piece.

They met again in the same spot they have parted ways. “So do you take up my offer?” Jimmy said to him before they started walking, Thomas looked at him before remembering Jimmy had said something about having a drink.

“Why not. It isn’t that late and-”

“And that’s all the thinking we are going to put on in! Let’s find a pub, one that isn’t too posh.”

Thomas giggled at that, and Jimmy wanted to kiss him right there, but he hadn’t just used half his salary in a love declaration in the form of a song to send it all to hell and just straight up confess.

They found a little pub at the end of some one-exit street, and looking back at it Thomas should have known it was to be one of those kind of pubs. There were writers sitting in every corner, their paper collapsing their tables, some people shouting as if they were singing, everyone seemed a little drunk and it wasn’t even night yet. A woman was being the bar, and she was chatting up a younger woman, Thomas knew her, of course he was so lucky as to know her.

“My darling!” She said upon seeing him “That’s your new catch?”

Thomas wanted to go back to Downton and not leave in years, it was once in a blue moon he could go to the city, so how comes he did end meeting so many people every time he went to the forsaken city?

“Is she talking to you?” Jimmy asked, smiling “she’s pretty!”

“She doesn’t like men.”

“What? Women can… not like men?” Thomas just rolled his eyes “Anyway, I wasn’t saying that! I’m not interested in women… at the moment!”

“Just. Just let’s sit, Jimmy, she’ll come to us eventually anyway, let’s pray his brother isn’t here” he said the last part to himself.

They sat and not even ten second latter she was there, her elbows on the table, posing his head in his hands, looking between them.

“So…” she said, his black eyes beaming with emotion.

“I’m Jimmy, nice to meet you” The girl didn’t take his hand. “And you already know Thomas so…”

“My family knows Thomas quite well.”

“Get over with it Victoria. He isn’t with me, not like that, so serve us and let us be.”

“Oh, that’s a shame, so is he free? Are you free?” she asked turning to Jimmy.

“I’m… I’m not” Thomas looked at him like he had just misheard, but didn’t say a thing, he supposed Jimmy just didn’t like Victoria after all, that sure was a first for her.

“What a pity! Anyway I’m not free either so…”

“That had never stopped you before, Victoria.”

Victoria winked at him and asked for their order, she went back and brought them two pints.

“You know, darling, you have the looks, you could become a waiter here and at my brother’s, are you interested?”

“I have a good job at the moment.”

“We double it, whatever they pay you, Thomas can tell you we can pay you double. Just think about it!” And just like that she was gone again, Jimmy found her at the bar serving a little glass of liquor to the young woman.

“They can. Maybe you should leave Downton, come here, have a freer life.”

“Then I couldn’t see you” Jimmy answered as if it had been clear from the start that it was impossible for Jimmy to take the offer.

Thomas smiled, drowning his want of kissing Jimmy in his pint.

“So where did you meet them? If his brother is anything like Victoria those two are something to see” said Jimmy while they walked pass Downton back door.

They had had quite the night, at some point Victoria had invited Jimmy being the bar, and he made a cocktail for Thomas following her instructions. He server two or three pints and the customers left him a tip even if he wasn’t by far the best barman in the pub; Victoria nodded at him and he took the money; when they were about to leave, a little tipsy but quite happy, Jimmy’s arm around Thomas’ waist, as he was feeling a little unstable, Victoria asked him again. He left Thomas in place and whispered in her ear “I love him” and saying it out loud, even if he had already told Mrs. Hudson, even if he was practicing in the mirror, God, it felt awesome.

She giggled and shocked her head, and Jimmy took hold of Thomas again as they walked.

“I meet his brother first, but I don’t want to talk about it”, Thomas said, his head still a little foggy “I wish we had tomorrow morning free, we could have stayed at an hotel and drink some more, dance a little.”

“Would you?”

“What?” Thomas said, his hand already opening the door to his room.

“Dance with me. Would you have done it?”

“I would do it right now, Jimmy, I’d do it whenever you asked me too. You know that.”

“Then let’s do it.”

“Now?”

“’I would do it right now, Jimmy’, that’s what you just say, well right now, is now, Thomas.” Jimmy smiled, happy with his argumentation, he was quite as drunk as Thomas.

“Then come in, we don’t want Mr. Carson having another heart attack.”

Jimmy laughed and put his hand to his mouth when Thomas flinched. They both got in and Thomas closed the door.

Jimmy took him by the waist and put their bodies close together.

“I don’t have any music” said Thomas, as he started to move with Jimmy.

“I could hum it for us.”

“Yes, that would do” he said, getting even closer to Jimmy.

They danced around, Jimmy put his head in Thomas shoulder, smelling his cologne, a little surprised by Thomas not smelling at all of sweat even if they had been around all day. All day together. God, he would love every day to be just like the afternoon had been.

Maybe if he worked as a barman, if Thomas got out of Downton too, as a medic maybe…

He shook his head and centred himself on what he had already, Thomas in his arms, him in Thomas’ arms, dancing slowly around the room as Jimmy hummed a song he has watched his parents dance too.

Thomas was humming alongside him, staying quiet at the parts he didn’t know and closing his eyes so hard as he could, because if it wasn’t a dream… well, he hadn’t ever had a sweeter one.

Jimmy moved them, Thomas opened his eyes, ready to be brought back into really by a cold word for Jimmy, or from him leaving without saying anything.

“Let me…” He said instead, he put a hand in Thomas neck, bring him to his lips and kissing him, much more chaste than last time they were in Thomas bedroom, but as much breaking for him. Jimmy smiled after the kiss “I shouldn’t have done that” he said, but he was still smiling, he kissed Thomas again, just a peck “Just, a couple of weeks, I promise” he whispered, and then he straightened his clothes “Good night, Thomas.”

“Good night, Jimmy.”

And just like that Jimmy was gone, and once again Thomas was left alone to pace over those words, trying to extract the meaning of them, ‘just a couple of weeks’? For what? Thomas decided whatever it was, he was going to wait till then before getting his hopes up.

But as he started to fall asleep he couldn’t help but smile and touch his lips, still smelling Jimmy’s cologne, still hearing him humming and feeling his body against his.

Next week everything seemed normal, like nothing at all had happened, like Jimmy hadn’t just kissed Thomas again in his bedroom. He sat next to him every morning for breakfast, and laughed even when Thomas snaps were meaner than he intended them to be.

But when he went back to the hospital to help the doctor next week Jimmy didn’t go looking for him. Not the first day he was there nor the second, nor the next Monday. Thomas didn’t know what he was supposed to do or even to think, Jimmy was acting totally normal, in fact, he was a little more… Objectively, Jimmy was touching him more than usually, Thomas didn’t want to think he was acting more couple-ly, but he was!

He touched Thomas at any given moment, he was on a stair in the library, cheeking the books on the upper shelves, and there he was, touching Thomas leg, “Just in case you slip” he had said; he touched him every time they crossed paths, a little tap on the shoulder, a lingering hand on his waist, a hand on his neck.

It was too much and too little at the same time, but, above it all, it was incongruent with Jimmy not coming to walk back from the hospital with Thomas, was he now scared of being seen with him? Ashamed, maybe?

“What’s up with you today, Thomas?” asked the doctor who had started calling him like that recently, Thomas supposed he was kind of a friend of his now. “You almost snapped a neck back there.”

It was true, Thomas wasn’t at his kindness that day, it was the fourth day Jimmy hasn’t gone to look for him and the patient had been really annoying.

“I’m sorry, doctor.”

“Does it have anything to do with Jimmy?”

“Doesn’t it always.” Thomas sighted and sat in front of the doctor, at the other side of the table where he was looking at some expedients.

“Why isn’t he coming for you anymore? Did you fight?”

“That’s what I’d like to know! As far as I’m concerned nothing has changed.” Thomas wasn’t about to tell the doctor Jimmy had kissed him again and how nothing had totally clicked since the first time something had happened.

“Everything would short itself, kid.”

Thomas rolled his eyes, he didn’t appreciate being called kid at his age, but the doctor was still his boss “I was already dreaming of buying a house and living with him, I’m that pathetic; working at a hospital, he could be a musician; and we could… be together whenever we were inside, and not a lot of people would suspect of us, both of us having been in service together for years…”

“Too cranky to get a wife. I would buy it.” The doctor interrupted “Maybe you weren’t dreaming that much, with a little more practice I, myself, would extent a contract to you”

“Don’t joke with my, Dr. Clarkson.”

“I’m not joking, you’re of great help here, I can feel myself rejuvenating whenever you come to work.” Thomas smiled at him. “Give the kid sometime, I’m pretty sure he’s having quite similar dreams.”

“I’m just… so tired of waiting, and trying, and being careful while others don’t do the same for me.”

Dr. Clarkson clasped at his shoulder “Just a little more, Thomas” he said and let Thomas alone there, thinking about how he was on the edge of a little more becoming too much.

And just like that days passed, Thomas was going crazy, some days Jimmy was there to take him back, some days he wasn’t, he always told Thomas in advance, but he didn’t have and excuse for when he wasn’t going, and Thomas started to suspect that maybe he was seeing some cute girl, Jimmy was in his right to do so even if it pained Thomas.

He asked once and Jimmy looked at him like he was going mad, laughing and shaking his head as an answer.

“Would you like to come with me to the movies? Our half-day line up.”

“How comes it lined up again?”

“I may be in debt with someone or various someones.”

Thomas laughed at that, Jimmy wanted to expend his free afternoon with him? He wasn’t going to complain. So he accepted and when the day came Jimmy went straight to his room after he finished eating, told Thomas to be ready by four and when the moment came he was waiting for him at the back door, all dolled up, his hair slicked back, a hat, not a cap, covering it, he was wearing a jacket and suit pants, Thomas couldn’t help but look him up and down, taking the sight in, Jimmy smiled, no, smirked, at him and Thomas wanted to take a photo.

“Ready?” Jimmy said and moved his head telling Thomas to came to his side. “You’re looking handsome.”

“Thanks” Thomas said, smiling, a little puzzled. “You too.” He adventured to say, a little worried of crossing a line he didn’t knew where stood anymore. But Jimmy only smiled back at him.

They walked into the movies, Jimmy had already bought the tickets and Thomas was about to ask him how much did he own him when Jimmy took his hand as they walked the dark corridor into their sits.

The movie started, it was a comedy, Jimmy seemed to love them, he turned to ask Jimmy about the actor, he wasn’t Chaplin, as Thomas was expecting; and it didn’t look like an English actor either.

“Jimmy, do you-”

Oh, Jimmy was kissing him.

Oh!

Jimmy was… Jimmy was kissing him?

In a theatre. There wasn’t lots of people in it, probably because Jimmy had chosen the least concurred hour (he had asked the box office employee, saying he was bringing his girlfriend with him), but they were still outside, around people. They could get arrested, killed. Beaten to death. And Jimmy just. Jimmy was just smiling right there next to him. He put his hand in the space between their seats, his palm up, he looked hopefully at Thomas.

Thomas wasn’t sure what was happening, was this why Jimmy had asked him to wait? Or was he just having one of his impetuous ‘wanting this, taking it’ fits?

Well, Thomas wasn’t so frequently asked to take what he wanted, nor could he usually do so, so he seized the moment and took Jimmy’s hand, looking at Jimmy’s face for disgust, for a sign that he had misinterpreted something, but Jimmy only smiled and squeezed Thomas hand before turning to watch the movie.

They laughed trough the movie, Jimmy squeezed Thomas’ hand from time to time and Thomas felt a shiver up his spine every time. Then Jimmy’s hand left his and Thomas tried not to felt sad about it, he didn’t have to try for a long time because Jimmy’s hand had let go of his only so he could rest it on Thomas leg in such a very inappropriate place, Jimmy squeezed his tight and Thomas gasped.

He could swear he heard Jimmy giggle.

“Well, that was a great movie!” Jimmy said after they left the theatre.

“Hum” Thomas wasn’t even sure what the movie was about, he lighted a smoke and felt Jimmy gaze on him “What?”

“You look handsome when you smoke.”

Thomas cigarette hung from his open mouth, almost falling to the ground, what kind of joke was Jimmy playing on him?

“I don’t know what’s going on with you, but-”

Jimmy pushed him into an alley. He got close, Thomas could feel his breath on his mouth “You are usually smarter, Thomas, what part don’t you get?” he asked, his lip so close, his whole body pressing against Thomas’. Jimmy moved, just when Thomas was going to tell him exactly all the parts he didn’t understand, and kissed his neck. Thomas was dressed as informal as he could, his jersey letting Jimmy access to almost all his neck and Jimmy was taking advantage of it, he was pressing one of his legs between Thomas. “Let’s get home.” Jimmy whispered at his ear. Thomas just followed him like a fool.

Jimmy was talking about the picture the whole walk back, smiling and laughing, and Thomas couldn’t remember a single word of what he had said ten seconds after he had said it.

As soon as they were into Downton Thomas knew he had to say something “We have to talk about… about this, Jimmy, it’s… It’s killing me.”

“Just a moment Thomas. Let me do a thing first, I promise you we’ll talk.”

“Jimmy” Thomas started, but Jimmy took his hand and let him to the service hall and sat at the piano, Thomas was grateful everyone was far asleep and far away from the room.

“Let me…” Jimmy asked, and Thomas nodded. Jimmy started to play and Thomas rested against the table, his heart razing a little, Jimmy looked so focused, his eyes were closed and his hands where moving over the well know notes, not in vain he had been practicing almost every afternoon when Thomas wasn’t home.

Thomas moved closer to the piano, resting next to Jimmy, he didn’t dare to touch him fearing he would lose his concentration.

The song started to slow down after around five minutes, and Jimmy opened his eyes “It’s way longer” he said, looking at Thomas smiling “But I… I wanted to show you what I’ve learned, I want to learn it all for you.”

“It was fantastic Jimmy. Impressive. Beautiful.”

“I thought so too.” Jimmy took one of Thomas hands and scooted over, bring Thomas down to sit with him. “Thomas, I wanted to do this when I learned the whole sonata, but I couldn’t wait anymore, I saw you were hurting-”

“If you’re going to say this-”

“Thomas, let me finish talking for one, instead of snapping thinking I’m going to hurt you.” Thomas swallowed and let his head down, Jimmy put a hand to his chin and upped his face again so Thomas was looking at him as he spoke “The name of the sonata it’s Pathétique, I don’t know much French but I know this word, the shopkeeper told me, that’s how I feel when I make you angry, when I see you suffer because I can’t talk about my feelings. I wanted to tell you for the longest of times, Thomas, I’ve wanted to tell you for what it seems to be forever, since I meet you I’ve changed into a better person, one that now can care for others, not that you’re a moral example or something like that” Jimmy giggled, trying to ease himself into what he was about to say “What I’m almost falling to say, after all the times I rehearsed and all the afternoons trying to learn the bloody song, is that I, Jimmy Kent, love you, Thomas Barrow.”

And just like that Thomas life was changed. He couldn’t feel his body, as if he had transcended into a new plane of existence. What didn’t sit well with Jimmy who was looking at him as if Thomas was about to call the police on him.

Thomas couldn’t have that, so he kissed Jimmy. Now believing every kiss Jimmy have gave him before, every touch and lingering gaze. Feeling all that had happened over the last months click together.

Jimmy laughed after the kiss, so much tension being relieved, he let his head fell to Thomas shoulder, “I wanted you to… I wanted to touch you, to stay in your bed that night, but I knew that wasn’t the way.”

“Well, Jimmy Kent, aren’t you a romantic.” Thomas laughed, but his heart skipped a beat at hearing that.

“What I’m trying to say is… I very much like you, and you sure do too” Thomas rolled his eyes at that, Jimmy didn’t saw it because he was slowly mouthing at Thomas neck, but he imagined he did and so he laughed “What I mean is… I think now I already did what I think… I mean, I did confess my love.”

“I would love to see you struggle for the rest of the night trying to say you want to come to my bed, but, sadly, we both have to be up early in the morning, so I’m going to lend you a hand and guide you to a place where you can sleep tonight.”

And just like that Thomas stood up and lent that hand to Jimmy, and Jimmy, red as he could be, took it and followed Thomas to his room.

When Thomas closed the door and kissed him, trapping him between his body and the door, slowly caressing his neck up as his tongue traced his bottom lip, when he slowly let one of his legs between Jimmy’s, and tipped Jimmy’s head to the side so he could kiss his neck, mouthing at it as if he was his favourite dessert; at that moment Jimmy couldn’t be happier that he had done it right, that Thomas had no doubt of his feelings.

Jimmy discharged his jacket and started to push Thomas jersey up, Thomas smiled and throw it away, followed by his shirt, Jimmy gapped at the sight, pushing Thomas back so he could take it all in, Thomas was about to say something but Jimmy planted his hand in one of Thomas pectorals, Thomas wasn’t bulky, but his muscles were chiselled in the pale of his skin, if Jimmy was the romantic Thomas had accused him of be he’d say Thomas looked like an Ancient Greece sculpture. But he wasn’t, so instead he traced his hand up and down Thomas torso, not realizing Thomas little laugh beyond the waves that moved Thomas muscles.

“Jimmy?”

Jimmy looked up at him, and something got on fire inside of him, he laced his hands to Thomas neck and pushed their lips together as he moved them to the bed, Thomas hit the back of his knees and fell to the bed, Jimmy followed him, sitting on Thomas lap.

He felt Thomas arousal then, he moved down tentatively, slowly moving front and back and Thomas bit his lip; Jimmy did it again and again till he heard Thomas moaning.

“Thomas” he whispered at his ear “Be mine tonight” he said, his hands at either side of Thomas running up and down. “Let me be yours forever.” He kissed him slowly, moving his hips in synchrony with his lips, then he kissed down his neck and got up, Thomas whined at it and he smiled, Jimmy made quick work of Thomas trousers and Thomas lift his ass so Jimmy could get them out of him, resting on his arms he saw as Jimmy got completely naked himself, and when he was he couldn’t help but grip his ass and push him towards him till he was just there.

“Jimmy, my Jimmy, I’ve waited so long” he said kissing at Jimmy tight.

“I know” Jimmy answered him, putting both his hands on Thomas’ head as Thomas’ kisses continued, getting up to his tummy and back again trough the other tight, and then Thomas took him in hand, Jimmy tightened his grip on Thomas’ hair as he slowly licked a strip up his cock and down again before taking him on his mouth. Jimmy’s knees were going weak, and Thomas wasn’t even moving, he looked up at him and Jimmy could have died the happiest (and horniest) man in Earth at that moment, or so he thought.

Then Thomas started to move.

Slowly bobbing his head, keeping both hands on Jimmy’s hips so he wouldn’t buck against his throat.

It wasn’t long after that Jimmy had completely doubled over Thomas head, and was moaning so loud Thomas was sure someone had to be hearing them, probably calling the police on them. But, pitifully, he couldn’t care less.

“Jimmy, you’re going to make me go bald, love.” He pushed Jimmy’s hands of his hair.

“God, I love you saying that.”

“What?”

“Love.”

“Love” Thomas repeated as he let his hands circle Jimmy’s tights so he was gripping at his ass, kneeling his ass cheeks and pushing them apart. “Love” he repeated as he let one of his hands go up to bring Jimmy’s face down, kiss him as he returned his hand to his backside “Love, love, love” he said again and again as he teased at Jimmy rim.

Jimmy was a mess, Thomas voice flowing his head, his hands playing so sweetly with him, god, he had waited for this for so long, he had even teased his backside alone just to know how this could go.

“Thomas take me, please” he whispered, and Thomas, smiling, not wasting a moment, throw him to the bed, got on top of him, kissed him hard and fast, his neck, down to his right nipple, mouthed at it while he pinched the other, then he changed to lick at the other, Jimmy was moving under him, trying to get any kind of friction against his cock, rubbing against Thomas who swallowed every time he felt Jimmy’s cock against his. 

Thomas got to Jimmy’s crotch following his tray of kisses, but instead of taking him again he put one of Jimmy’s legs on his shoulder, took the other and licked a strip from the back of his knee to his ass cheek, positioned it and parted Jimmy’s cheeks once again, he licked up and down his crack and Jimmy shouted.

“You’re going to get us arrested.”

“I don’t have much experience, but I didn’t even know you could do that.”

“I can do a lot of things for you, Jimmy.”

“Call me love again” Jimmy said, putting his arm against his mouth.

“Love.” Thomas said and Jimmy smiled and bit his arm so he wouldn’t shout again as Thomas started to lick at his rim, he slowly worked a finger inside, a little surprise at Jimmy’s lack of resistance at the weird feeling of a first intrusion, unless “Oh, love, aren’t you lewd” he said, his face buried between Jimmy’s ass cheeks.

“I wanted to know how it felt” he excused himself “I imagined it was you.”

Thomas could fell his cock throbbing, he kissed and licked and fingered Jimmy for a lack of response to the new information, wanting to get to being inside him as soon as possible.

He only stopped because he heard Jimmy slapping at his side table, trying to locate something.

“What are you doing? Trying to make me remodel the whole room?”

“Something to… so you can...”

“Do you think I let those things at everyone’s sight?” he said laughing, not believing Jimmy’s eagerness. “It’s on the drawer, you menace.”

Jimmy opened it and, just as he was slowly turning so he could still have Thomas between his legs but was able to reach inside the drawer at the same time, he heard something.

Thomas did too. He stopped, all colour gone from his face.

Someone stood being his door.

“I’m quite sure it was Thomas, Mrs. Hudson. I’ve heard a racket coming from here.”

“Oh, come on Mr. Carson, can you hear nothing is happening here? Thomas isn’t making a noise” she said a little louder than necessary, the words sounding as a warning to Thomas who didn’t dare move a muscle even if he was starting to hurt.

“But what if something happened to him?”

“Knowing Thomas character if you went inside and he woke up we’ll have to suffer his remarks for the rest of the week, I think is better for both of us to go back to our rooms, before anyone knows I’m here.”

“Yes, I’m sorry Mrs. Hudson. I’ll be going in a moment. I’m going to take a quick look, Thomas will understand.” Jimmy was about to jump of the bed but Thomas stopped him, Mr. Carson turned the doorknob but the door was locked. “Oh, it isn’t open.”

“It’s something the matter?” Thomas said loudly, as sleepy sounding as possible.

Thomas heard Mr. Carson cursing at the other side of the door “I’m sorry Mr. Barrow, are you alright?”

“I was Mr. Carson; I suppose the house isn’t burning down?”

“No. Sorry, Mr. Barrow, good night.”

“Good night” Thomas murmured a strip of curse words and complains just to make it a little more realistic. Mr. Carson walked away, back to his room, and Jimmy laughed. “Where were we?” Thomas said, taking the jar of Vaseline from the drawer, making Jimmy bend his legs to do so. Just like that the whole interruption was forgotten to Jimmy.

Thomas got the Vaseline between his fingers, he placed kisses over Jimmy’s tights as he let one slid inside, then he took him in his mouth again as he pressed another one inside, slowly moving them in and out, Jimmy was biting his arm, trying to stop the moans and little cries, but it was quite a hard chore.

“Thomas” Jimmy whimpered after a while, Thomas looked up at him, he wasn’t biting his arm anymore, he had left it fall to the side and Jimmy could see the redness and the marks his teeth had left on it, he took it and kissed the two marks of different bites Jimmy had left on his own skin.

Then he lubed himself up and aligned himself with Jimmy.

He thrusted in slowly, Jimmy got his other arm over his mouth and bit at it as Thomas’ cock slowly stretched him more than he thought possible.

When he was completely inside him Thomas let out a breath he didn’t know was holding, it turned into a moan at the end and he couldn’t be even bothered to feel embarrassed.

“I’m going to move now” he whispered at Jimmy’s ear, and he did as he kissed Jimmy.

Thomas’ bed didn’t have an arm to bite so the squealing and the thuds against the wall were, surely, waking someone up; but Jimmy couldn’t care about his job when he was going mad from the pleasure, Thomas was making him feel like he had never felt before, making him whimper against Thomas’ lips with every thrust, nipping at those lips and caressing every part of Thomas he could get his hands on. Thomas kissed down his neck, and bit at his clavicle, then sucked just above it, where he could leave a mark no one could see the next day. Not that it not being seen mattered as Jimmy expected having to confront everyone staying on Thomas’ door when he tried to get back to his room on the morning.

The rhythm built up and Jimmy lip was bleeding from him biting at it. Thomas hair was pointing everywhere and his mouth was at seven places at the same time, whispering sweet somethings at Jimmy ear, and kissing him, biting him, and licking him.

And then he started to pump Jimmy at the same rhythm he was thrusting inside him, and Jimmy knew that was it, he locked his legs around Thomas’ hips, bringing him closer and coming all over himself as he kissed Thomas as hard as he could, he could feel as he was trying to open his eyes again Thomas coming inside him, being plenty full of him. Thomas fell on top of him.

He let a little gasp out as he felt Jimmy’s cum sticking to his skin, he tried to kiss Jimmy but failed to locate his mouth, instead setting for mouthing at his neck.

“I love you.” He said resting his head against Jimmy’s chest.

“I love you too.” Jimmy said back, caressing Thomas’ hair, and slowly starting to fall asleep “You’re still… inside me.”

“Isn’t it nice?” Thomas asked, his eyes closed.

It was indeed.

Next morning, an hour before they were supposed to be up Jimmy was up, he had tried not to awaken Thomas, but it had been in vain, when he had moved Thomas had instinctively waken up, years of fearing being beaten by your last night lover does that thing to your organism, Jimmy had kissed him even before Thomas knew what was happening.

“I need to go back to my room, try not to rise anymore suspicion about last night.”

“Oh, right. We’ll have to get creative about that.”

“We? Ah, no, I think everyone is going to be quite sure the noises were coming from your room.”

“And who wasn’t in his? If I fall of the boat we both drown, love.”

“I know. I’dn’t want to live a life without you anyway” Jimmy said kissing him again and finally got up to dressing. He was putting his pants on when he almost fell to the floor, he put his hand on Thomas’ bureau and felt something under his hand “What’s this?” he asked showing Thomas the envelope with a red ribbon on it.

“Oh. That’s for you.” Thomas said as if was the most normal assumption.

“For me? My birthday isn’t in ages.”

“I know. I just… I just wanted to get you something, the doctor told me it was a good idea, but I didn’t found the time. You can open it now.”

“So that’s what the doctor and you talk about? Not patients or your future, me?”

“You’re a pretty important part of my future, I hope.” Thomas said smiling and Jimmy smiled back at him.

“I hope so too” he whispered, opening up the envelope. It was a music sheet, he looked at it and started to read the notes, then he laughed.

“What? It’s supposed to be romantic, not a comedy, did the clerk trick me?”

“No, no, he didn’t” he said still laughing, he let the sheets on Thomas’ bureau again, fastened his belt and went to Thomas’s side of the bed to kiss him “Thank you, Thomas. It’s the same melody I played to you.”

“What?”

“Pathétique.”

They both laughed, and after it, as if a switch had been pulsed, they kissed passionately, but Thomas knew they couldn’t keep pushing their luck anymore.

“Go to your room, you menace, before I jump you.”

“Yes, Mr. Barrow!” Jimmy exclaimed as he put on his shirt and kissed Thomas once more before leaving the room.

When they went to breakfast that day they sat even closer than usually, too much to not raising suspicions, they were laughing at some mean joke they had said when Mr. Carson entered the room and sat at the top of the table as always.

“Mr. Barrow” he said, and Thomas turned to him “Are you alright?”

“Yes, why do you insist on it?”

“I kept hearing tumps and screams coming from your room last night” he said, “but you sounded perfectly find when I went to your room.”

“That’s because I was. I still am, Mr. Carson. But thanks for your concern.”

Jimmy waited for Mr. Carson to ask him where the bloody hell he was last night then, but he didn’t, so he maybe hadn’t cheeked on the rest of them that night as the sounds kept coming from Thomas room alone. Instead Mr. Carson just nodded and started eating.

A little later almost everyone was already out, except for Jimmy, Mrs. Hudson and Mrs. Patmore who had sent Daisy and Ivy looking for wood and a cage or Jimmy-what’sn’t-sure-what.

“You look happy today.” Mrs. Patmore commented without meaning anything by it, Jimmy smiled, normally he would snap at her, but he was, in fact really happy.

“I thought about the future this morning, Mrs. Patmore, and it looks fantastic.”

“Why? Are you planning on getting Mr. Barrow out of the house and getting his position?” Mrs. Patmore laughed, knowing how impossible that was.

“No” jimmy laughed.

“Then what?” Mrs. Hudson asked, smiling as widely as he was.

“I thought of working in a pub, becoming a waiter. They’re getting better and better payed every month it passes. An owner of a pub told me I could be one.”

“And leave Downton?” Mrs. Hudson asked not believing Jimmy could let Thomas behind.

“Yes, maybe get a nice nurse living with me.”

Mrs. Patmore laughed scandalously at it. Mrs. Hudson smiled and Jimmy got up, Thomas was at the door hearing, he was redder than he had been during last night entire intercourse.

“Mr. Barrow.”

“So some cute nurse?” Thomas teased “And do you have any idea how to get one to like you back, Jimmy?”

“I think I do Mr. Barrow.”

“A single song won’t do, Jimmy.”

“I know plenty of them” Jimmy replied smiling, Mrs. Hudson was barely containing his laugh.

“Let’s go, we have work to do, and I have to be at the hospital by four.”

“Yes, Mr. Barrow, following you.”

And just like that Mrs. Patmore let her spoon fall into her pot, and soup spilled all over the place. She had realized.

Thomas baked Jimmy against the first turn he found on the corridor “A cute nurse?”

“A handsome doctor.” Jimmy replied against his lips.

“That’s much better.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! If you did don't forget to left a kudo!


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